Too fat to wear a bikini

The following is a belief I had for a long time, that I changed once I used my goofy noggin to examine it!

I am too fat to wear a bikini.

Hmm. Last July there was a really adamant voice telling me that a bikini was not something I could wear unless I was properly "skinny". But was it the actual fat tissue that was stopping me from stepping one foot and then the other into bikini bottoms and tying on a cute top? I didn't have any trouble getting a bra or panties on my body, and the bikini doesn't seem super different from those things...

Would they stop me at the checkout line and say "We're sorry, you are simply too fat to purchase that bikini."? ...I'm pretty sure they actually just want my money.

Weren't there people in the world who would be totally grossed out by my fleshy roly-poly tummy? Wouldn't they say nasty mean things to me and about my body? Well yeah. But what kind of person would they be? They'd be the kind of person who thinks they're physical beauty ideals are more important than my bikini wearing happiness, right? I decided to take pleasure in their displeasure; to welcome their disgust while simultaneously causing it. If I could get that kind of person to actually vomit, then that would be the ultimate success! Trololololololol ;D

But what about the nasty mean comments? Well, from what I've seen on the internet, people leave nasty mean comments no matter what you do. They also seem to REALLY enjoy making those comments. Wouldn't it be nice of me to give them an opportunity to make nasty mean comments? I'm such a nice lady ;)

After thinking about it, I decided I really wanted to wear a bikini, though I had never ever done so before! What was really stopping me was my belief that so much of my flesh should not be seen by another person, more specifically, that the offensive flesh of my tummy must be hidden or else!

Well, 256lb Tiffy looked down at her soft, white, large and roly-poly tummy and it didn't really seem like it could be all THAT dangerous. So I went and bought a bikini.

AND THEN I JIGGLED IN IT.

I have this blog thing that I write in. I am a person that loses weight without paying anyone money for it. I share tips and things. I have a youtube channel also and I put videos on it that I have been told "will never go away"

Losing my Fat Happies!!!! Sad face! D:

OH NOOOOooooooooo!

I have had an EXTREMELY UNSETTLING series of thoughts!

In losing weight, I had naively assumed I would only be losing nearly useless fatses from my fleshy pink body, but I have inadvertently lost my favorite weapons and threats too!

ALWAYS if someone was irritating or bothering or irkling me, all I had to say was "IMMA SIT ON YOU!" and that was a sufficient threat!

Now that my body mass is only sufficient to smush small children, super models and other extremely little humans, I am without my easily accessible arsenal of threats!

I will have to come up with more clever threats... so frustrating!

Goodbye my dear, dear threats! :'(

The following have served me well, I ask for a moment of silence to remember their years of service:

"You keep talking smack like that and I will FALL ON YOU."

"Don't worry friends, if they try to stop us I will SIT ON THEM."

"Pick me up and MAKE ME."

No wonder skinny people feel the need to carry guns, I feel so vulnerable and insubstantial!

I'm developing a profound sense of pity for skinny folks, the world must seem like such a big scary place for them.

(Please try not to take me too seriously)