At Camp They Call Me Tomato

At camp they call me Tomato.


It's something I love about my life, and myself, that there is a place in this world where I am Tomato.


Everything is right when I am Tomato.


Part of what makes my Tomato-ness so exquisitely wonderful, is that I know I am loved, and accepted, all the way down to my salsa center.


This blog, my tumblr, my twitter, my youtube and any other spaces I may create in the future are places of respect and consideration.


In kindergarten, they used to give us 'R & C' slips for being respectful or considerate, but it took me many years to understand that R & C is the core of love, and the answer to eliminating what drives us to hate and hurt each other.


If you have something to add to a post I've written, or a video I've uploaded, share! If you outright disagree with what I'm saying, share!!! 


Your thoughts matter to me, your opinions matter to me, your perspective and your life experience are precious and I will be honored if you choose to share any of it with me.


Please know that this blog is a place where your voice will be heard (and you don't have to agree with me, not even a little!)


If you are reading these words I love you and I want you here. You are welcome here, and I will do everything in my power to give you the respect and consideration that you ALWAYS deserve.


This is a place where you matter.


Love Tiff!

The Crayon Wall

Nearly every day I walk an hour around the marsh at noon. On every walk I have a different daydream, this is one I wanted to share with you, since its about you. 

The daydream goes like this: 

I'm walking in line in a hallway. As far as I can tell, there are infinite people in line ahead of me, and infinite people in line behind me. 
At the beginning of the dream I feel uncomfortable. I don't see anyone's faces. I feel as if I don't belong here. 
The walls are grey, white, beige. The carpet is threadbare, worn down by a billion shuffling feet. 
There is no sound in the hallway, I feel like its possible there are souls in the bodies in line ahead of me and behind me, but I am unable to communicate with them. I don't see that anyone is trying to communicate with me. 

I want a box of crayons, and now I have it. Stopping in line, I turn to the wall and begin to draw and write on it. Right there on the wall. Though I KNOW its not allowed, someone will yell at me. You aren't supposed to draw on the wall. Its not your wall, you're not allowed, its not okay. 
I'm not worried about getting in trouble. 
The threat has only a tiny voice compared to the roaring in my ears. I have to get the roaring sound in my head onto the wall. 
So I use my colors, I draw scribbles at first, then stick people and flowers, blue fish, red fruits, green trees, orange fires. The more I draw the better I feel. I'm not afraid of the hallway anymore. I don't feel anxious. Sometimes I stand up and walk a bit down the line again, when I need more space, or I need to take a break and think about what to draw next. 
I start to write messages on the wall. 
You are beautiful. 
You are a miracle. 
I love you. 
I now feel right about the hallway and the line. I can see that there are pictures all over the wall. Layers and layers of messages, colors painted by the hands that were there before me. Its easy to see I was never alone in line. I know we're all connected, and we're all communicating. When I see a happy message I feel happy, I feel loved, and I make my own happy message. I know that whoever sees my message will feel happy too, and know that I love them. 

There are no tater tots in the desert

My cat and I are like peas and carrots. We are both fairly stupid and enjoy making faces at cameras. (and we eat kibble)

FAILURE, ATTITUDE, and SELF ESTEEM

What do I think about these things? I will tell you.

 Going along with the theme of my video this week (There is no Fail) I'm gonna jot down some thoughts and observations here about maintenance, "failure" and falling off the wagon. First I'm going to share something with you:

I weigh myself daily.

That's right, that thing nearly every fucking diet or exercise program  or weight loss blog tells you to NEVER EVER DO? I do that. I am a contrary beast, but more than that I am the master of my weight loss journey and my self. I wasn't always. A big change I've done that is part of my "diet" is to be more aware of EVERYTHING I do with my life, and my body. I pay attention to things, and I don't just accept what people tell me.

IN FACT I usually tell people to Eff themselves (mentally of course) when they give me unasked for advice. I don't care what you think. I'm doing it my way, the way I want to, at the pace I choose. Weight loss is a completely selfish endeavor and I am unapologetic about it. This is a good thing.

Weighing myself daily has been one of my favorite aspects of weight loss. I love to look at my graph. I love to know exactly what I weighed this morning. I am not afraid of the scale, I am not afraid of weight gain and fluctuations. I trust myself and I trust my diet and I am curious as all get out about the nitty gritty details.

I read all over about how weighing yourself daily is supposed to be a bad idea because you will get discouraged and blah blah blah. That is really only a problem if you don't have the backbone or the perspective to understand what your daily weight really is.

My roommate is amazed at how unfazed I am when I see a 6 pound gain in as short a time as two days, but I know its not "FAT" weight, and that it will go back down fairly quickly.

I think having a "binge/normal caloric intake" weekend at least once a month is a very good thing. Its been happening to me naturally, and then my diet goes back to being more intense. Like I said in my video, its good to give your body a break and let it know you aren't starving in the desert.

Go eat some tater tots. Your body knows there are no tater tots in the desert.